Author Archives: Ann & Ben (co-authors)

I’m a little behind in writing, but this first part of our trip is a lot of one night setups and tear downs until we get out west, to the main attractions. And GEEZ, campground Wi-Fi is pretty darn crappy!

So we have a mystery on our hands. We picked up a strange hitchhiker, the bumper sticker kind, somewhere between Ocala, FL and Chattahoochee, FL. We didn’t even notice it until we were packing up in Chattahoochee. Is this a typical practice? We’re newbies and don’t know much of anything about the camping world rituals, but maybe we’re supposed to have a stack of funny bumper stickers handy to spread around? Not sure. Is it like the rubber duck exchange that Jeep owners do? Interesting ritual if so, but I’ll have to be on the lookout for some funny bumper stickers to keep on hand, just in case.

So, we left Chattahoochee Sunday morning and pulled into the Hattiesburg, MS KOA for the final night of the Labor Day weekend. We definitely got to experience the true party atmosphere of a campground in full holiday swing. I’ve never seen so many camping families, who actually bring ALL the comforts of home along with them. I’m starting to think these people aren’t really into camping, but just enjoy doing the same things they do at home, just with a change of scenery.

I guess Ben and I must look like ghetto campers because we lack a 70” television on the outside of our camper, an extra party tent, equipped with real living room furniture, complete with a shag area rug, an extra full-sized fridge and freezer on the outside of the camper, by a full sized bar, under a fully decorated canopy AND we don’t have 50 house plants surrounding our campground “yard.” I wish I had the time to watch these people pack up when they leave, but I’m too busy bungee strapping the coffee maker into the sink to ensure it doesn’t hit the ceiling and break. Hey, it’s important that we’re properly caffeinated at our next destination, but I suspect there’s a full sized moving truck, tucked away somewhere in a back lot, that moves all this extra stuff for them. 😳

We’re going to have to make it a habit to do a walking lap of each campground, just to keep an inventory of all the incredible crap people bring from home, when they “rough” it.

Ben and I are truly happy keeping it simple. Even without all the extra luxuries, this particular campground made us feel pretty fancy with our own “private” patio, fire pit and a flock of ducks and geese, who visited frequently. Still a little too hot and humid for the fire pit experience, but turns out geese are pretty entertaining and will eat anything. They must be related to Pepper.

I thought I was in decent shape for an old lady, but these ducks and geese hauled ass after me, when they figured out I had a trash bag and was running their potential snack to the dumpster. I made it to the dumpster and threw the trash in with seconds to spare before the fattest goose made it to my heels. Those suckers are FAST waddlers!

The cooling down of the camper fridge is still another mystery we haven’t figured out quite yet. I feel like it shouldn’t take 6 hours to get the fridge acceptably cold enough to cool a beverage but I’m sure we’re doing something really wrong. So until we watch enough YouTube videos to find the solution, we’re existing on beef jerky and string cheese out of the old-fashioned cooler, kept cold with old-fashioned ice.

We’re off next to Hot Springs Village, Arkansas where we’ll be out of camp mode for a couple of days while we stay with Ben’s parents and get organized for the push out west. Charlie and Bailey love the lake and “Noni and Pop-pop,” so we’ll be leaving two of the three fur babies with them.

Pepper gets to come along on the Wild West adventure. Not because we love her most but because she gets herself into trouble by eating things that aren’t food. That bad habit then requires $9,000 worth of surgery to get her straightened out. The second reason is actually strangely funny, but she has this weird “mommy separation” anxiety issue where her butt hair turns completely white two days after she’s away from me and then falls completely out after the fifth day. So unless we want a funny looking dog that requires another expensive surgery, she stays with me. Gotta love a quirky dog .😩

As long as we’re telling Pepper stories, I’m not sure what she got into on this trip but her poo is perfectly round balls, almost like she ate ping pong balls and are attached to each other with hair or string. I didn’t inspect too closely but took a pic in case anyone wants to report back on the situation. As you can see from the pic, Ben has expertly picked up multiple connected poop balls, which are already bagged and left the last one dangling by its hair, or string, or possibly dental floss, for everyone to inspect.

On that poopy note, I’ll sign off but not before I mention that we barely make it out of Florida and there’s already another potential hurricane steam barreling towards Florida. Hurricane Lee looks like it could be a doozy. We’ll be keeping an eye on that because who knows, the Airstream might be the only home we have left by the end of September. 🙈

We’ll hit the road again Thursday for another adventure!

Like clockwork, we made it to our first destination and in Mather style, making it minutes before the campground office closed. It’s completely our style to ignore little things like an office closing time and one of these days, we’re going to find ourselves and our little mobile housing unit parked on the wrong side of a campground gate. Sigh. Who knew a campground isn’t like a hotel, where you can check in any time of night.

Pretty much like any vacation, I usually find myself relieved to get to the destination so I can relieve myself. But oh no, not when you’re camping. There are “unspeakable things” that need to be prepared before you can sit on that Airstream potty and relieve yourself. Hooking up the “poop slinky,” as we call it, is totally Ben’s department, so until that’s done, I wait and continue my dance.

There’s also the issue of three dogs that are staring you down from the backseat of the truck, who also need relieved. So I did the adult thing and continued my own little pee pee dance, sacrificing my own comfort in order to hook up all three dogs for their comfort walk, complete with barking galore. Our dogs have definitely not learned campground etiquette. I’m hopeful by the end of our trip that me saying “hush” actually has some kind of effect.

Prior to just making it in time to the campground, we made a quick stop in Tallahassee to visit Aunt Charlie and John, where we learned that our system for keeping perishables is a complete failure. Even with Aunt Charlie’s extra 60 lbs of ice, leftover from hurricane Idalia, all that precious food that was leftover in our fridge from back home was pretty much lost. I’m glad we got that lesson out of the way. We’ll just plan to hit the Piggly Wigglys along the way.

So the summary of night one is we had two questionable hamburger patties (you might be hearing more about those later today 🫣), mushy chicken nuggets and mushy tater tots with warm Cokes for dinner. My “extra crispy” tater tots were so mushy that I knew I’d just be torturing them to try and save them for another day, so we had a small memorial service for the remainder of the bag. Rest in peace Chattahoochee tater tots.

Oh and by bedtime, our Airstream was infested by ants. So overall, not a bad first day. 🙃

Like clockwork, we made it to our first destination and in Mather style, making it minutes before the campground office closed. It’s completely our style to ignore little things like an office closing time and one of these days, we’re going to find ourselves and our little mobile housing unit parked on the wrong side of a campground gate. Sigh. Who knew a campground isn’t like a hotel, where you can check in any time of night.

Pretty much like any vacation, I usually find myself relieved to get to the destination so I can relieve myself. But oh no, not when you’re camping. There are “unspeakable things” that need to be prepared before you can sit on that Airstream potty and relieve yourself. Hooking up the “poop slinky,” as we call it, is totally Ben’s department, so until that’s done, I wait and continue my dance.

There’s also the issue of three dogs that are staring you down from the backseat of the truck, who also need relieved. So I did the adult thing and continued my own little pee pee dance, sacrificing my own comfort in order to hook up all three dogs for their comfort walk, complete with barking galore. Our dogs have definitely not learned campground etiquette. I’m hopeful by the end of our trip that me saying “hush” actually has some kind of effect.

Prior to just making it in time to the campground, we made a quick stop in Tallahassee to visit Aunt Charlie and John, where we learned that our system for keeping perishables is a complete failure. Even with Aunt Charlie’s extra 60 lbs of ice, leftover from hurricane Idalia, all that precious food that was leftover in our fridge from back home was pretty much lost. I’m glad we got that lesson out of the way. We’ll just plan to hit the Piggly Wigglys along the way.

So the summary of night one is we had two questionable hamburger patties (you might be hearing more about those later today 🫣), mushy chicken nuggets and mushy tater tots with warm Cokes for dinner. My “extra crispy” tater tots were so mushy that I knew I’d just be torturing them to try and save them for another day, so we had a small memorial service for the remainder of the bag. Rest in peace Chattahoochee tater tots.

Oh and by bedtime, our Airstream was infested by ants. So overall, not a bad first day. 🙃

Our thoughts and prayers go out to those North of us, who didn’t escape the clutches of Idalia. For those of you who didn’t escape, she threw a terrible punch. She chose to ignore us this time, but we were definitely suspicious and super wary, up until she slid on by us and our power poles gave a collective sigh of relief.

We escaped with some minor flooding in our island neighborhood and a few downed branches at the shop house. I’m almost embarrassed to throw these pics out because I don’t want to diminish what happened up north. We know it’s no fun because we were there just 11 months ago with Ian. This exact dirt road, below, was under 4 ft of roaring water after Ian, trapping us for days on end and was littered with downed trees, power poles and power lines, under all that water. Luckily that wasn’t the case this time. We had 3 puny palm branches, that in no way impeded our Jeep’s path, and we’re very thankful.

So yes, we were very blessed this time around. The island flooding was a mix of Gulf drainage ditch failures and storm drain failures. No serious damage to report in Venice or Englewood and our family and friends in Tallahassee, Ocala, Estero and Sanibel Island are all ok, so I consider this a huge blessing.

Quite honestly, Ben and a friend smoked a couple of delicious turkey breasts under the lean-to, while it thundered and rained off and on all day. Meanwhile, Idalia was slowly creeping up past us, about 50 miles off-shore. You ask “why turkey in August?” Because the grocery store was throwing some pretty funky pre-storm meat specials.

Everyone still makes fun of me for making a huge batch of sloppy joes, brownies and boiling half the egg supply before Ian hit, last year, but we had food that got us through that 14+ hour windy adventure.

So, as things stand now, we’re loaded and ready to pull out Saturday morning on our 6,000 mile camping adventure. Gas seems to be plentiful post-storm and the Chattahoochee campground has confirmed we have a spot, undamaged by the hurricane, for Saturday night.

So now that the danger is out of the way, I’ve spent the day asking myself what number of undies are needed to make it through a month-long trip, not knowing where the next laundry facilities will turn up. As I stood staring a my pile of “serviceable undies,” I did a replay of all the “foul plays” I’ve had on the sides of various interstates and country roads and decided ALL should be packed and I threw in a couple of my “sexy” collection too, as backups. Just to be extra safe, I also packed a bucket, baby wipes and extra plastic grocery sacks for emergency disposal. I’ve actually learned quite a bit from my past mistakes. Hopefully I don’t have too many mistakes or I’ll be wearing a lacy thong by the time we hike through Moab. Yikes!

I also spent way too much time standing in the chip/candy aisle, (it’s an evil aisle!), debating what junk food I absolutely needed for the start of the trip. These are tough decisions for me, as my “junk food mood swings” go between salty and sweet and sometimes require mixing them. The Cheetos we’re definitely calling to me today. Dang it! Then I had to decide whether I needed two bags of Cheetos, as they were on sale, BOGO! UGH, I’m a sucker for a BOGO. I’m ashamed to say that I also got bamboozled by a king sized candy bar BOGO. Next thing I knew, I had a whole cart full of junk food. Even worse, when Ben finds out what I’ve done, he’s going to immediately parallel this situation to one my mom had in her advanced years of dementia, and I’ll start to silently wonder. Even worse than even worse, he’ll be pissed when he opens the one functional food cupboard in the Airstream and nothing but Cheetos and candy bars come pouring out (Note To Self… I need to remember to pack a couple extra pairs of the sexy panties. They’ll have two purposes). As long as he doesn’t open that door before Chattahoochee, we’re all good.

The two old lady wienies are definitely suspicious. They’ve been around long enough and have been tortured way too many times by road trips that they KNOW something is up. They’ve been sitting directly in the path between the house door and the Airstream door. Watching. Specifically taking inventory of what dog items are being taken to the camper, in a mission to confirm whether they’re “in” on this trip or not. I don’t understand the secret language that goes on between Bailey and Pepper but I think the “duh” looks on their faces mean they’ve decided they need to stay on my heels, just in case. By the time I take the dog food bin and the dog dishes to the Airstream tomorrow, they’ll figure out how to surgically attach themselves to me. And then there’s poor Charlie, who is only four years old and has only been out of the state of Florida three times. He’s completely oblivious to any suspicious activity and continues to hunt for things to bark at, just for fun. Too bad for him, because out of the three dogs, he’s the only one that hates riding in the car. The two old lady wienies just continue their 20 hours of napping and don’t care if they’re in a car, boat or a house.

More tough decisions to make tomorrow so I’m off to our king-sized bed, which I’ll only be enjoying for 2 more nights. Then I’ll enjoy squeezing into a “camper queen” with my handsome, but yeti-like, husband. Fun times ahead!

Twelve hours to go until they claim Idalia makes landfall, north of Tampa, but I’m still suspicious! I’m watching this lady hurricane like a hawk because as we all know women are prone to changing their mind. For all I know there could be a cute little sundress in a downtown Venice shop that Idalia takes a liking to and the next thing you know 😳.

The good news is we survived Ian, last September so I think this storm is doable. We already have the island house completely shut down, so we’re now residing at the shop/farm, which we refer to as Basecamp 1, for storm purposes.

We’ve also continued packing up the Airstream, pretending we’re still leaving on our trip in four days. She’s ready to roll with the exception of food, because there was very little left when I ventured out to the store, yesterday. Fruits and vegetables are apparently not very popular during an impending storm because that’s all that was left. Meh, not interested unless those veggies are fried.

Now that Charlie’s hives have settled down, due to a $367 vet visit yesterday (sigh!), we’re enjoying the calm before the storm. With the little free time we have left before the rain hits, the dogs are roaming outside, oblivious that their outdoor pee and poo time is about to abruptly end. Pepper is running around excitedly because the 100% humidity today has reinvigorated the poos she considered were yesterday’s, sun-dried, lost-cause snacks. Yes, if you weren’t privy to my older blogging days, she’s the family’s dirty little secret. A poo eater from birth and she’s not at all ashamed about it even though we cringe, try not to gawk in disgust and always say the obligatory “No Pepper! Gross! Don’t eat that.” Those actions haven’t stopped her once, as she looks me straight in the eyes and helps me with my yard doody duty. By the time I get my rubber glove and the grocery bag, it’s usually only her poos that are left to pick up. Gross I know, but I still appreciate her willingness to help with the chores.

I don’t want to single Pepper out or put the spotlight just on her talents though. Each dog has their talents and gifts shall we say? Pepper is poo detail, Bailey helps out with lizard patrol which is really no help at all and always ends in a catastrophic gurgling of her stomach, for days. Charlie takes on iguana and snake patrol until the job is done, thank goodness. Charlie also takes on the role of barking at the occasional cow that escapes the neighbor’s pasture and he’s all about barking his head off at wild hogs, turkeys and Peaches and Cream, our resident armadillos. He feels his job is to simply make their presence known to us, but not actually do anything about them. He does give Butterballs, our resident turkey tom, a run for his money though, which is entertaining, all the same.

So as for the impending storm, the new PTO tractor generator we bought after Ian is hooked up and ready to go, the vehicles are all tucked away in the shop and everything on the deck is lashed down and ready to take the deck railings with it if it gets ugly.

I’m off to start that last load of laundry, bake some brownies and possibly put a small lunch of tater tots in the oven. Oh! And take a nice hot shower, which is the one thing I regret not doing before Ian hit last year. Until the water and especially the hot water is gone, you don’t realize how much you miss it. Bird baths from the rapidly cooling hot tub water don’t do much to rid the post hurricane odors.

Hopefully we won’t have to deal with any of that this year. With the generator tested and set up, life should be much better, post storm. 🤞

Catch you on the flip side or maybe before, if something interesting comes up!

We’re less than week from heading out on our first month long adventure as retirees. For decades our family vacations have all included many pictures of the family in front of world famous places like the Forbidden City, Eiffel Tower and the Great Wall of China, as Ben yaks on the phone trying to act like he’s on vacation. Not this time. The little birds named Hannah and Chris have flown the nest and it’s a no work, me and Ben adventure. We couldn’t be more excited. The tater tots, chicken nuggets and Coca Colas are packed in the Yeti and we’re ready to roll!

Ben spent the better part of the first month of his retirement obsessing over and planning this Wild West adventure. Where to go, what to do and where to stay in our newly acquired Airstream. I’ve spent months making sure the bed is comfy, not squeaky and we have all the comforts of home like little tiny grills, miniature queen sheets and comforters for our mini queen bed (which is an experiment in itself), unbreakable drink glasses, shrunken pots, pans and cookware that fit our shrunken stove and microwave, as well as pretty smelling items to keep our environment “fresh.” And certainly we made room for Ben’s newest toy, a Jura coffee/espresso/cappuccino machine. It’s not camping without that gadget, for sure, and what better use for 100% of our counter space. Sigh

As I’ve been packing and planning for this trip, I recall how I’ve always dreamed of owning a tiny home with less maintenance and upkeep. As I’ve bumped my head 4 times organizing and putting away dishes or trying to test the shower, I’m not quite sure I meant this tiny. As I have severe claustrophobia, going to the bathroom with the door closed is obviously not going to happen, so we’ll both be closely monitoring each other’s bowel health on this trip (welcome to retirement).

With all that being said, I know one thing for certain and that it’s a tiny tube sized space and not many ways to escape gassy situations that will for sure happen over a month long journey. Just for the record, I’ve trapped myself in my own gassy death twice now, which resulted in a few more bangs to my head in the process, so beans are definitely not on the food list and more air cleaning gadgets were needed. Bottom line, no matter what happens, Ben and I have always considered ourselves to be non-wussies, so you’ll still hear us laughing from Utah. Guaranteed!

So with all the planning and prepping behind us, just days to our departure, this would naturally be the perfect time for poop to hit the fan right? Yes

We now have a few minor hiccups in our plan. Ok one minor hiccup and one potentially major belch. We suddenly have a dog with full on hives, scratching all his fur off and making horrible licking sounds 24/7, which won’t be pleasant in a tiny tube. Hopefully the vet will help with that particular hiccup at 4 pm today. Oh and more importantly, a hurricane is threatening us once again. As if hurricane Ian last September wasn’t bad enough for SW Florida, Idalia is starting out exactly the same way Ian looked. First it’s just a tropical storm with a little rain. Not but a few hours later, it’s a 33 county emergency and it’s going to be a hurricane, headed towards Tampa, the same as where Ian was predicted to hit. Now in the last few hours it’s going to be a Cat 3, all the gas, alcohol, bread, milk and eggs are gone. It’s also not helping the situation when gas tankers of diesel fuel accidentally filled unleaded tanks at several gas stations around Florida. Sigh. If it follows last years plan, next it’ll be a Cat 4 and headed straight for us. So much for our plans to get the heck out of here ahead of the typical major hurricane month in SW Florida. Ugh. Another sigh. Deep breath.

So stayed tuned. We’re determined to take this trip that Ben planned out so well. First stop is Chattahoochee, FL on Saturday night. We hope!